Mar. 30, 2003 - 23:30:22
Dear Vincent,
Random Wordplay:
Dumb as a 'rock'. 'Rock'et scientist. Words are tricky.
There's also a pile of 'leaves caught in my rain gutters- they just won't 'leave.'
"I carry a not-entirely-unwarranted belief that things that are known to be important by popular opinion are not always the product of popular thought or popular fact." This is why I decide what is popular with me. Important, iconic or vital aside, I partake in what appeals to me. This works nicely because I love light blue. Light blue is usually a pretty popular color during the spring. I don't think there's much thought or fact behind its popularity. But I like it, so I wear it and I don't have to miss out on light blue. Similarly, reading is not abundantly popular anymore. There isn't much fact or thought behind its lack of popularity. But I love it, so I do it. And, I don't miss out. I guess I am neither tiny bopper, pop culture conformist, nor hard core no one understands me dissenter. All things considered, it works for me.
Individuality verses Just One of the Gang
"Everyone is an individual." I disagree. Individual defined as "single, particular, distinct, separate, characteristic of one only." Not everyone is distinctive or attains characteristics that are "of one only." Individual is a status, conferred only on those who can learn to do one thing; think for themselves. Note I did not say "think originally" I said "for themselves." With that said...
Since the time we are little, the educators of America are intent on the positive re-enforcement of 'you are special.' This is because everyone is unique and they want you to learn to be proud of it so your 'individuality' will flourish. There's an added bonus, if you're proud of it, it's less likely to cause you pain. Ideally, you will grow up to become an individual. Ideally. Alas, there are many who take it upon themselves to become unnotable in any way. Sometimes I think it is more difficult to take it upon yourself to be 'blendable' than it is to just be. It seems to me, that stifling your sense of self could be a very time consuming task. Twenty four hours a day I'd imagine. Except perhaps during your shower.
If individuality is based primarily on thinking for yourself, than could you not be an individual and also part of everyone else? I like to consider myself an individual. I try to think for myself and I know what I like. My likes, my dislikes, my purposes and thoughts make me an individual. But I am still a part of the people around me. Chiefly, the people I depend on, the people who depend on me, and the people who I love and love me. I am still a part of them because our relationships contour decisions I make, things I say, what I do. My relationships influence these things because they are important, if not vital to me. I am still an individual. I can still think for myself, and I do still think for myself. But I don't always make decisions for myself. I don't always say things for myself or do things for myself. That would be, in a word, selfish. I am an individual, but I do not always act in the interests of the individual. I wouldn't have it any other way. Like it or not, our lives are not entirely our own. We give ourselves away, bit by bit. But they are partially and primarily our own.
In summation, this is how I reconcile it:
"Everyone is an individual. Everyone is just part of everyone else."
Some people are individuals. But everyone is also part of everyone else.
My sincerest apologies if that is ill considered or fumblingly presented Vincent.
If pain could be seen I imagine we'd all wish we were blind.
Wait, that's ignorant. Pain can be seen in many cases. People have just gotten good at ignoring it.
I was mildly amused by the pain suggestion. I read your letter when I got up this morning, which was actually this afternoon because I was out until 3 last night. I laughed then. I had errands to run (though I actually walked) in town today. I was in Record and Tape Traders rifling through some c.d.s when the idea of pain being seen jerked me from my half mindful perusal. What if? I am wholeheartedly ashamed that it too me a few hours to realize what a really intriguing idea that is. Though, perhaps in my favor I hadn't had my coffee before I read your letter.
If pain could be seen, Vincent, would you have it be only physical pain? Or would people glow also when their feelings had been hurt or their hearts broken? Do you think we'd all be more empathetic if we realized how many people we hurt? Or would be grow more adept at aiming to wound? How much worse would light pollution be? Would the planet glow so brightly that astronauts could see it from space? Would some continents glow more brightly than others?
There would no longer be any excuse for people hurting each others feelings inadvertently and not apologizing. There'd be no more, "I'm sorry I wasn't aware that I'd hurt you." The response being, "How could you not know? I was exuding red light."
Say a relationship ends badly between two people. And every morning he walks past her cubicle at the office. As she glimpses him there's that slight, shuddering stab in her heart and for a second the entire office building can see her cubicle shining like a beacon. Everyone would wear their hearts on their sleeves.
Hospitals would be blinding. You'd have to wear sunglasses during visiting hours.
Sometimes when people invite girls to talk about their problems they end up crying. And they usually say, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to cry." Replace 'cry' with 'glow.'
"What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Liar, you're glowing."
"Honey could you stop glowing so I can go to sleep?"
They could irrefutably prove if a fetus feels pain during an abortion. It would be a lot harder to ignore the homeless, the AIDS patients, the starving, the abused, the lonely among others. When people kill each other would they still do it if they say the other person dying in a blinding flash of pain? Would we watch our words? Would we watch our actions? Would we if we could literally watch every type of pain? I am ravenously interested in what you have to say about all this, Vincent. Your thoughts laid claim to a hefty part of my day.
I am trying to lump what I need for my 'out of town' expedition this week onto my chair in my bedroom to no avail. Every time I put something there I decide I need it only a short while later. I was intent on considering what to pack before so I didn't suffer from "oh no I left my (insert any intimate object vital to the daily routine) at home!" syndrome. It appears it is unavoidable. Practically as unavoidable is leaving something the places I go. There was the toothbrush in Spain, one flip flop, a paperback and a scarf in France, a hat in Bermuda... But when it comes down to it I'd rather leave my toothbrush than my sense of humor. When I die there will be no real purpose served in scattering my ashes to the wind, I will have already left bits of me all over. Hmm, that sounded rather strange but I think I'll leave it anyway.
Radiantly,
Meghan
what they said - what they will say
